You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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