i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
