Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
