And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
