He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
