He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
