Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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