what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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