oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
