sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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