I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
