sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
