If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
