Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
