good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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