if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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