I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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