god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
