puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i came on her dog
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
