you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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