We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
