This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
