Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
