I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
