no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
