She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
