im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
