Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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