I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i think i have herpe
just one?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
