When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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