So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
