If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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