If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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