He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
