shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
