Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
