I cockslap morals
Its about making memories worth repressing
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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