from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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