So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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