I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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