...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
