i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
