i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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