yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It's just like the Real World with babies
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
