Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he thought i was a dude.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
