with your own penis?
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
