My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
