he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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