Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
