So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
