I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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