wrigley field is MILF paradise
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
