Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
