dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
