my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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