Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
