yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
